These ideas at the end of which we do not go.
Business projects lying on paper never come to life. The loves that remain scenarios, silent films never made, out of fear. For fear of rejection and lack of courage. Friendships that do not survive silences, words that we have not been able to say. Forgiveness that we have not been able to ask or grant out of modesty, for fear of opening up to others, to be vulnerable.
All lost love for fear of engagement, afraid to be told no, afraid to face. How many chances have we missed? Next to how many opportunities have been passed?
I spent 15 years delivering, every year, always with an excellent rational reason, my life trip, my trip to India. 15 years to work, study, make another trip by turning around my dream without realizing it. I was prepared to plan a trip to the countries glued to my ultimate destination when I thought it was now or never. I realized that to be afraid of it, to be afraid of being disappointed by the realization of the fantasy, as well not to wait before the disillusionment.
I have gone to some hair not to live my current love affair. Two people who no longer believe in having believed too much, having wanted it too much and being too disappointed. Two hairs because two people who look at each other and are afraid of what they see in each other's eyes, it does not go away. See the fear of self in the eyes of the person who looks at you, it immobilizes, it takes a brave to blow the other with him.
We do not fall in love, we jump. We launch into the void, we give ourselves a momentum.
I almost lost friends to whom, over time, I could not tell the real things at the right time. To whom I just knew that I was disappointed before I put an end to my desire to love again and my desire to nurture friendship. So much easier to say nothing.
The battles I lost in fear are forever.
These are the dozens of business plans written, rewritten, transcribed, read, re-read, studied, re-calculated, hidden, questioned, estimated, validated, made clean, verified, printed, and then stored. Market studies. Visits to existing businesses and nights to calculate expenses and potential revenue. Vacant site visits and afternoons in cafes make pessimistic, realistic, optimistic projections. Evenings designing facilities and shopping vendors. Trips abroad to visit concepts, hundreds of books and magazines read to find the right idea, people met to advance projects, to move towards the dream.
Entrepreneurship has stuck in my veins for so long. I worked so hard to get there. But I was afraid so many times on my road that I do not count the number of projects that I wanted to do without going to the end for reasons that could stretch until the early morning. On the other hand, the root of each of them was the only reason. I know her, I cohabited without knowing it with her, then she became my ally and my worst enemy.
The mother of all these ideas at the end of which we will not go.
Ariane, a young mother who owns BBQ Quebec
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